Category: Couples and Families

Life In A Military Family

Saturday, 04 February 2012 19:56 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Being a member of a military family comes with a unique sense of honor and pride. Unfortunately, it also comes with a great deal of stress. There are a number of reasons it can be a challenging, but two in particular often weigh heavy on the hearts of military families.

1. Deployment – Fear of deployment may be a constant for some military members, their spouses, and children. Not knowing when, if, or for how long can be stressful. Though you may have signed up for this by joining the military or marrying a member of the military the reality of it may be harder than you imagined. Once deployment orders have been given couples may experience tension in the relationship due to anxiety about what’s to come. Children may begin acting out for the same reason. Once the family member is deployed spouses may have difficulty adjusting to new duties around the home and may feel overwhelmed by handling the homefront alone. Many find it helpful to include the deployed spouse in parenting decision making whenever possible. The separation can also make it difficult to maintain a level of intimacy both partners desire. Additionally, families may experience financial strains during deployment. This may come in part as a result of having to work out new child care arrangements. Spouses and children alike may fear heavily for the safety of their loved one. Limiting exposure to constant news sources may be helpful. Unfortunately, the challenges may not end with the deployment. The returning soldier may have difficulty adjusting to the changes that have taken place in the family while gone. It may take some time getting used to the new independence his or her spouse has acquired while they were gone. Of course if the soldier returns wounded, physically or emotionally, it may also be a challenging time of transition.

2. Frequently Relocating – This can also place tremendous stress on military families. Spouses and children may feel their lives are constantly being interrupted. Having to change jobs, neighborhoods, and schools means having to make new friends. This can be tough for everyone involved. Also, because the military issues the orders it may feel like a loss of control of your own life. It’s important for family members to discuss their feelings with one another which can ultimately help make the transition smoother.

The good news is there are a number of great resources available to help military families handle the unique stress they experience. Support groups are available online and throughout communities all over the country. Also, many find it helpful to quickly connect with other military families in their neighborhood, schools, and churches as soon as they move so that they have people around them who understand their experiences. If a support system of family and friends is not enough, professional help is always available.

Infidelity: Signs, Causes, and Coping

Friday, 20 January 2012 11:54 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Infidelity. The word alone can strike fear into the heart of any person in a committed relationship. The very thought of your partner being intimately involved with another individual can send shock-waves. The reality is even more devastating. It undermines the foundation of the relationship, but that doesn’t mean it has to end it.

There are signs to look for that can help identify problems in the marriage before resulting in infidelity. The key is to address them directly in order to save your relationship. If your partner says things like, “I’m not happy”, “This isn’t working” or “I wish things were like they used to be” he or she may be crying out for help. It’s important to acknowledge that cry and seek professional assistance. An objective, nonjudgmental third party can help guide things down a path of recovery. Sneaking around, a history of cheating, and sudden unexplained interest in personal appearance may also be red flags. Again, it’s important to address these signs head-on.

Maybe your situation has already moved beyond warning signs and the infidelity became a reality. You may be wondering why your partner cheated or how to move on from here. The reasons can be as varied as the individuals involved, but there is some evidence to suggest men typically cheat for sexual reasons while women cheat for emotional reasons. With that said – the opposite can also be true (men cheat for emotional reasons and women for sexual). However, knowing the reason probably won’t provide much comfort. If both parties are committed to saving the relationship it can become stronger than before. It may take a lot of time, space, and professional help to repair the trust that was broken, but take hope in knowing that it can be done.

Blended Families: Joys and Challenges

Wednesday, 21 December 2011 01:51 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Blending a family through marriage can be exciting. More family members can mean a larger support system for everyone. Stepparents have a unique opportunity to become an important role model in the life of a child and stepsiblings of all ages can create lifelong bonds. Merging families may open the door for new cultural and religious experiences that can add depth to the life of a child.

Unfortunately, blending a family can also prove to be very challenging. Bringing together two separate groups of individuals will inevitably require some adjusting. Know that the transition period may be handled differently for each family member. For example, younger children are often more accepting and adjust quicker than adolescents. Children of all ages may struggle with new rules, roles, and siblings and may feel like they are a threat to “the way things used to be.” They may also resist a stepparent because they feel the need to remain loyal to their parent. Remember that children need to feel loved, accepted, and important. Children in blended families need to feel they are heard especially during the transition. Work towards maintaining a dialogue about the joys and challenges within the family while everyone continues to adjust.

Managing the Holidays in a Blended Family

Tuesday, 13 December 2011 09:12 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Blending a family can feel like putting pieces of a puzzle together. Sometimes it may feel like the pieces don’t fit. This can be especially true at the holidays. It can be stressful for children, young and old alike, to maneuver through the holiday season between multiple families.

Many find it helpful to communicate clearly with the children what the plans and expectations are. Knowing the schedule ahead of time may allow the kids to prepare for what’s ahead. With that said, they may need some flexibility. Allowing the children the opportunity to openly share their feelings may help to reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, or even resentment.

During the dialogue the children may also express their hopes for the holidays. This may include the desire to maintain some old traditions or try some new ones. Some families have found that lending open ears and an open mind to these suggestions go a long way towards letting the children know that their needs and opinions are important, too.

Stressed Out Children

Thursday, 05 May 2011 09:28 Written by Lasandra 0 Comments

Children and teens, as much as adults, need ways to deal with sources of stress.

Their world is full of new and often stressful situations over which they have little or no control.

Even children growing up in the most secure and stable families must cope with situations that we never imagined.

Children are taught to conform to societal expectations by learning to control urges and impulses that are deemed unacceptable. As they mature, they are expected to give up childish behavior to manage increasingly challenging tasks.

Furthermore, children must learn to cope with peers who can be cruel and generally difficult.

Don’t forget that children have very little or no say in most all crucial aspects in their lives. They have no control of where they will live, their parent’s marital relationship, how they fit in with peers or even who will teach them in school.

Finally, children today have much of their time scheduled with multiple extracurricular activities while being expected to maintain honor roll status. All of these things can be stressors. Even when a child’s difficulties are “normal” for children of his or her age, parents must be careful not to dismiss or minimize their importance.