Perhaps by now you’re thinking, “Sounds nice, but I don’t have the time or money.”  The good news is there are plenty of ways to practice self-care without spending a dime.  For example, exercise doesn’t require a gym membership.  Simply taking a walk or riding a bike through the neighborhood or a local park can help reduce stress.  Maybe there’s a book you’ve been wanting to read for quite some time.  Make a trip to the library and commit a few minutes each night to reading it.  Journaling, listening to music, or soaking in a hot bath can also be effective self-care techniques.  Maintaining social support and taking up hobbies can also help.  Finding the time may be a challenge, but it’s worth the effort.

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Suffering from a mental health condition is hard.  Unfortunately, the stigma that is often associated with it can make it even harder.  Individuals with mental illnesses are often portrayed in movies and television as extremely dangerous, violent, or unstable which can result in misinformation to those around us.  Words like “crazy” and “psycho” are painful and perpetuate the unnecessary stigma.  Far too often this type of stigma serves as a barrier to reaching out for necessary support.

First, recognize that seeking help is not a sign of personal weakness.  Professional counseling provides support so that you don’t have to do it all alone.  Second, try to release the fear of being “labeled.”  Sometimes people are afraid to acknowledge having a condition that needs treatment.  However, identifying what’s wrong can provide relief and result in a specific treatment plan to reduce troubling symptoms.  If it’s determined that you are suffering from a mental health condition you may be hesitant to share this information with others.  Remember, judgment from others may be based on misinformation.  Sharing your diagnosis with those you trust may help educate those around you and help to reduce the overall stigma.

Some recent studies suggest the stigma associated with mental illness may be decreasing as evidenced by an increase in the public acceptance of antidepressants.  However, it’s important to remember that study after study shows that drug treatment is most effective when combined with talk therapy.  Medication can be helpful in treating the chemicals in our brains, but humans are made up of more than just chemicals.  We are emotional beings and often times our feelings and emotions demand our attention.

Overcoming stigma and accepting professional help can be challenging, but it may be just the thing to empower you to take back control of your life.

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We all experience pain in life.  Suffering may come through losing a loved one, going through a divorce, losing a job, or enduring physical, mental, or emotional abuse.  We’ve all been hurt before one way or another.  Letting go of that pain can be incredibly difficult, but is key to ensuring it doesn’t continue to rob you of the joy you could be experiencing today.

Allowing the pain of the past to continue residing within only leads to destruction.  It can ruin relationships and cause physical ailments.  Living with significant anger can even result in self-destructive behaviors like addiction, eating disorders, and self mutilation.  Holding on to the past distracts from the current moment and the opportunity for present and future happiness.  Moving forward begins with letting go of the past and forgiving.  You can’t change the past or forget it, but you can choose to let go of the pain and anger and move forward.  Forgiveness puts you back in control.

This kind of forgiveness probably won’t happen overnight.  It will take effort.  As negative thoughts of the past bubble up you will have to consciously redirect your thoughts to the present.  Remind yourself of who you are today.  Recognize how far you’ve come.  Know that you are the only person with the power to take control of your life.  Be empowered – let go of your past and look ahead to the future.  You are now in charge!

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Discovering that a loved one is struggling with a mental illness can be very difficult to cope with.  Most families aren’t prepared for it.  At times it can be very physically and emotionally challenging.  Below are a few tips to help with coping.

1.  Educate Yourself -  Researching your loved one’s mental illness will help you to gain a better understanding of what he or she is experiencing.  That may allow you to offer better support to the loved one.  It can also help break down misconceptions like the idea that the loved one should be able to “just snap out of it.”

2.  Recognize Your Feelings – Many family members feel guilt or shame when they discover their loved one is dealing with mental illness.  While these feelings are common and should be recognized as such, it’s important for family members to know they didn’t cause the mental illness and they can’t cure it.

3.  Find Support -Many families who have a loved one with a mental illness share common experiences despite the specific diagnosis.  Attending a support group can help normalize some of the feelings and experiences as well as provide additional strategies to manage the loved one’s mental illness.  Unfortunately, it can be difficult for families to reach out for the support they need because of the stigma that can be attached to mental illness.  Don’t let that stop you.  Seek support from family, friends, religious leaders, support groups, and mental health professionals whenever necessary.

4.  Take Care of Yourself -You’ve probably heard it said that you can’t take care of others without first taking care of yourself.  There’s some truth in that.  If you’re physically and emotionally exhausted it makes it much harder to provide the support your loved one needs.  Make it a priority to take some time to yourself to recharge.

5. Get Involved – Talk with members of your loved one’s treatment team.  Give them another perspective than the one they receive from your loved one.  Ask the treatment team how you can be most helpful and what expectations you should have for your loved one.  You can also get involved by emailing local politicians and working towards improving the overall mental health system.

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One of the reasons infertility is so difficult to cope with is the fact that no one knows how long it will last or what the eventual outcome will be.  It’s important to help manage the emotional stress by talking with others.  Instead of repressing feelings of anger, guilt, or fear, try reaching out to those around you.  The support of partners, family, and friends can be very beneficial during what can be a grueling process.  Support groups and professional counseling are also available.  In fact, according to Mayoclinic.com “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which uses methods that include relaxation training and stress management, has been associated with higher pregnancy rates” during treatment.  Because no one can guarantee what the outcome will be it’s important to discuss all options with your partner.  Consider what alternative methods you’re comfortable with and at what point you’ll begin exploring them.  Treatment can be emotionally and financially challenging and many feel that setting limits beforehand is helpful.

First, it’s important to remember why you’re doing whatever you’re doing.  What’s the reward?  Perhaps it’s an external motivator such as a paycheck.  Or, maybe it’s the internal reward that comes with a sense of accomplishment.  Your confidence and self-esteem can receive a boost when you learn a new skill or complete a task.  Knowing that you are one step closer to your big picture goal can be a motivator in itself.  Whatever the reward is – try to keep it in mind (especially in those moments when your motivation seems to dwindle).

Once you have a clear picture of your overall goal and the motivating factors, you can begin to break the goal down into smaller goals with specific objectives.  One of the easiest traps for losing motivation is setting goals that are too lofty.  If you continually fail to complete your goals it’s probably a good time to look at them again and make some adjustments.  Create realistic goals that will set you up for success.  Again, the sense of accomplishment that comes with achieving even a small goal can help boost your confidence and motivation.

Also, try to keep things interesting or fun as much as you can.  If you are able to find some enjoyment, even if small, it will help you to maintain your motivation.  Think about ways you can make the task enjoyable.  If things are becoming dull and mundane try to switch them up. Recruit others if you need to.

Finally, remember to take a step back every once in a while to see how far you’ve come.  Recognizing your progress is critical to staying motivated.  It diminishes the often daunting mountains we envision ahead of us making them manageable hills.  Remind yourself you’ve made significant strides and can be successful!

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How would you define your basic beliefs and doctrines?  What about your partner?  How important is religion or spirituality to you?  Your partner?  Do you follow an organized religion or do you take an individual path to spirituality?  Are there certain rituals, customs, or holidays you observe?  Is your partner on the same page?  If not, will you be able to respect each others different views?  Is prayer an important part of you or your partner’s life?   Do you plan to worship in a specific place?  Will you expect your partner to attend with you?  If you have children do you envision faith and spirituality being a part of their lives?  If so, how?  Does your partner agree?

No matter where you are on the spectrum of spirituality it’s important to discuss your views with your fiancee´.  Try to actively listen as you allow him or her the same opportunity.

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1.  Deployment – Fear of deployment may be a constant for some military members, their spouses, and children.  Not knowing when, if, or for how long can be stressful.  Though you may have signed up for this by joining the military or marrying a member of the military the reality of it may be harder than you imagined.  Once deployment orders have been given couples may experience tension in the relationship due to anxiety about what’s to come.  Children may begin acting out for the same reason.  Once the family member is deployed spouses may have difficulty adjusting to new duties around the home and may feel overwhelmed by handling the homefront alone.  Many find it helpful to include the deployed spouse in parenting decision making whenever possible.  The separation can also make it difficult to maintain a level of intimacy both partners desire.  Additionally, families may experience financial strains during deployment.  This may come in part as a result of having to work out new child care arrangements.  Spouses and children alike may fear heavily for the safety of their loved one.  Limiting exposure to constant news sources may be helpful.  Unfortunately, the challenges may not end with the deployment. The returning soldier may have difficulty adjusting to the changes that have taken place in the family while gone.  It may take some time getting used to the new independence his or her spouse has acquired while they were gone.  Of course if the soldier returns wounded, physically or emotionally, it may also be a challenging time of transition.

2.  Frequently Relocating – This can also place tremendous stress on military families.  Spouses and children may feel their lives are constantly being interrupted.  Having to change jobs, neighborhoods, and schools means having to make new friends.  This can be tough for everyone involved.  Also, because the military issues the orders it may feel like a loss of control of your own life.  It’s important for family members to discuss their feelings with one another which can ultimately help make the transition smoother.

The good news is there are a number of great resources available to help military families handle the unique stress they experience.  Support groups are available online and throughout communities all over the country.  Also, many find it helpful to quickly connect with other military families in their neighborhood, schools, and churches as soon as they move so that they have people around them who understand their experiences.  If a support system of family and friends is not enough, professional help is always available.

You may be thinking, “We both definitely want kids.  No issues here!”  While that may be true there are a number of other things to consider including in your discussion.  How many children do each of you want?  How would you like to space them?  Who will handle discipline in your house and how will it be done?  What about childcare?  Will you both be working or will one parent stay home with the child(ren)?  Do you (or your partner) plan to raise your kids in a particular faith?

Perhaps you or your partner already have kid(s) from a previous relationship.  Parenting is still an important topic to discuss.  Just because he already has children doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll be open to having another one.  Don’t leave anything to assumption.  Also, when blending a family you’ll want to discuss who and how the discipline of the children will be handled.

Hopefully these questions are just a sample of an ongoing discussion you and your partner are already having.  You may not be exactly on the same page for every question.  The important thing is having the discussion and knowing where you each stand on things.  In some cases, you may not know how you feel about an issue until it comes up.  Or, as it does for many people, your feelings about an issue may change once you actually have children.  Building the foundation for a healthy dialogue now will allow you to continue to have healthy conversations as you experience the journey together.

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Going through a divorce can be incredibly painful.  It may be the toughest storm you’ve ever had to weather.  The financial and emotional stress can be hard to bear and the transition from “we” to “me” may feel like going through an identity crisis.  If you’re accustomed to thinking of yourself as one half of a larger whole this is the time to remind yourself that you are a unique and complete individual all of your own.  It’s a major life alteration and, although it may not feel like it at the moment, there can indeed be a truly full and happy life after divorce.  While on the road of transition here are a few things to keep in mind:

1.  Give yourself the freedom to mourn.  Going through a divorce may feel like you’ve experienced a death.  That’s because, in a sense, you have.  Divorce is the death of a marriage and perhaps the lifestyle you envisioned. The feelings you experience may be similar to those in the stages of grief and loss.  Recognize that this is normal and may take some time.

2.  Lean heavily into your support system.  That means allowing friends and family to be there for you when you’re ready.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to take advantage of their offers.  Spending time with others during this painful time can help decrease feelings of loneliness.  Also, many people find divorce support groups to be helpful.  Seek one out in your local community if you feel it would be beneficial to spend time with others who have experienced similar pain.

3. Monitor your thoughts.  Though you are experiencing pain, it’s important to take note of the messages you are sending yourself.  Positivity is a powerful tool.  Recognize that thoughts like “my life is over” aren’t factually true – your life is not over.  Acknowledge that it may feel that way and then try to reframe it in a positive way such as “this is an opportunity for a new beginning for me.”  Perhaps take some time to reflect on goals you had before you were married or personal passions that have been left behind.  Then, take advantage of the opportunity to put them back into practice.

4.  Know when to seek professional help.  If you feel like you are unable to move beyond your grief it may be time to reach out.  If you or loved ones begin to notice symptoms of depression in you or your children or if you simply feel it would be beneficial to talk to an objective third party to help guide you on your new path in life don’t hesitate.

There is life after divorce.  How will you choose to spend it?

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